When I was a kid my mom often invited women over for coffee or tea during the day. This was a way to get together with other women while still watching the children. It was fun to have other kids to play with and because mom was preoccupied with her visitor, we often got away with more shenanigans than normal. And there were special snacks that we got to eat if we left the grown-ups alone. I distinctly remember coffee cake with brown sugar crumble on top and made from scratch tarts and cookies.
The women could be neighbours or relatives. My mom had a large extended family and met for coffee with aunts regularly. She also had friendships with some neighbours on the street we lived on. It seems to me she would meet once a week or so. This was something mom enjoyed as she was a stay at home mom. She didn’t drive at that time and was alone in the house with two young kids all day.
The neighbourhood I spent my early years in was a very typical mid-century neighbourhood with many young children and stay at home mothers. It was the late 1960’s and most of the women were at the same stage of life and had a lot in common. One summer I remember a big “coffee clatch ” as it was called, that seemed to me to be all the moms in the neighbourhood meeting in lawn chairs on one lawn to chat and drink coffee. The kids were free to play up and down the street since the moms were outside and could see everyone. I didn’t hear any of the conversation because I got shooed away if I got close. But there was a lot of laughing and they seemed to have a good time.
I was never a full time housewife but I did have a few periods of unemployment when I was at home all day and I fell into the traditional housewife role. I felt I needed to contribute to the household in ways other than wages. My days were full of cooking, cleaning, organizing and decorating the house. My self-esteem was all tied up in the house and making my husband happy. That felt odd after being a career focused woman. I could imagine how feelings of isolation, boredom and anxiety (often called nervousness or bad nerves in the 60’s) , could overwhelm the housewife. She had hard physical work to do and was very busy all day taking care of the house and children, however, her mind might not be engaged and her creativity might not be encouraged.
Women born in the 1930s and 40s, my mom’s generation, were raised by housewives and understood the strict gender roles of women in the world at that time. They were to keep a clean and beautiful home, make nutritious and delicious meals, raise well fed and well-behaved children and make a home and family life that their husbands were happy to come home to. That was the career of most women. Women took pride in that role. For many that was a good life. But for some it must have been stifling and dull.
Having the odd “coffee clatch” must have been a great antidote for the day to day blahs of being a stay at home mom and housewife. And the desserts were always great too. Who remembers bundt cakes? You always got a lot of cake in a slice of bundt cake.
